mk64

I was driving the other day when I had a recurring thought come into my head.  I’ve had conversations before about how useful Mario Kart would be in the driving world of today.  I was driving in excess that day, a total of 3 hours, which is quite a lot for me. There are days when I don’t go outside of my home, literally, but that’s another story.  As such, I had a great amount of time on my hands to think. My thoughts began to race as my car was set to cruise control. I began to think about things from the stresses of life to the most random ideas. My aimless pondering then came to a screeching halt as I hit traffic in the oddest time of day. It was at this time my Mario Kart mode booted up.

If only I had a… My mind began thinking off all the possibilities of items I could instantly drop. However, I wanted to think of a strategic way to this. After all, you never know what those clue boxes will drop.

I first had to determine what character I would be. When I used to own at MK64, I typically would choose Bowser or Yoshi. Some players would shake their head at this, but somehow I knew how to make the best of those guys and win. In retrospect, being the dwarf size that I am, I think I would most resemble Toad. I think Toad would be the best fit for me now, although I would have to accept the fact that every time I got hit I would cry out, “Ooowww, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!”

Having my character chosen, I then began to analyze what items I would most use and in what situations they would be best for. Stuck in stop-and-go traffic and in a hurry? Time to pull out my star. Is that some idiot I see who can’t merge causing us to suddenly break? You’ve got a blue shell coming your way, my friend. You want to speed up right as I’m attempting to pass you? I think a red shell is in order for you. Whoops, I was the jerk who cut you off that time –time for ghost mode. Geez, those mushrooms would come in handy to get through those intersections that always like to turn red on me so quickly. To those who love tailgating me, I must warn you, I will not hold back from dropping a question mark box for you. Last but certainly not least, a shout out to those who aren’t content in staying in 1 lane for more than 60 seconds, a lightning bolt is in store. As such, I will gladly run over your bite-sized body, leaving you thin as a cracker and swaying back and forth in the air like a feather.

I seriously don’t suffer from road rage… not a clinical diagnosis away. I do, however, like to entertain the thought of living in the MK64 world.  In this world of people who seem like they got their driver’s license out of a Cracker Jack box, this is my way to cope. So, for now, I will just mentally send you little items to show you my opinion on your driving skills.